Communication in Relationships – 10 Tips to Transform Your Relationship

 

Relationships require effective communication to survive and thrive in the long term. In this post, we will dive deep into communication dynamics in a romantic relationship and share 10 tips to improve communication in relationships.

 

What is good communication in a Relationship?

 

Good communication in relationships has qualities such as consistency, respect, honesty, listening, empathy, understanding, and fairness. 

 

In relationships where couples maintain good communication, both partners can address their concerns without the conversation escalating into an argument, both partners feel safe to talk to each other and have trust that privacy will be maintained.

 

Both partners empathize with each other’s feelings, listen to understand rather than talk, and give each other time to express themselves freely. Moreover, both partners make the time daily to talk to each other and put in equal effort to maintain a healthy relationship.  

 

What are the barriers to effective communication in a Relationship?

 

A lot of couples admit to having great difficulties maintaining healthy communication in their relationship. Below are some common challenges to effective communication in relationships you may be able to relate to.

 

1. Avoidant behavior

 

If even one partner has avoidant behavior and has the tendency to avoid conversations that may bring negative emotions, he or she may look for ways to avoid communication despite having issues that need to be addressed.

 

2. Anger issues

 

For most people, dealing with angry or aggressive behavior is difficult especially if it comes from a romantic partner. If you find yourself unable to express your feelings and concerns due to the fear of making your partner angry, this can cause a major interruption to proper communication.

 

3. Inability to express feelings

 

Even in relationships where both partners are kind, open-minded, and willing to hear each other out, one partner may simply struggle to put their message across with clarity as they are unable to express themselves due to various reasons such as upbringing or psychological conditions.

 

4. Conflicting personality types

 

Another challenging barrier to effective communication in relationships is conflicting personality types. If both partners have different aspects of their personalities that are competitive and clashing, it can become very difficult to have a calm and understanding conversation without things escalating. 

 

5. Dishonesty

 

If one or both partners have things to hide from each other, especially things that can compromise the relationship, communication is amongst the first things to take a backseat making room for secrecy, avoidance, and other toxic behaviors. 

 

6. Attachment styles

 

We all have our attachment styles developed from our upbringing and the relationship we had with our parents. People with a secure attachment style usually communicate better and therefore have better communication in their relationships as opposed to people with insecure attachment styles. 

How do you fix poor communication in a Relationship?

 

Now that you understand some common barriers to effective communication in relationships, let’s look at some practical tips you can start using together with your partner to establish and maintain healthy communication. 

 

1. Communicate your needs before a serious commitment

 

I understand it might be a little late for this for some of you at this point. However, this is something you should always keep in mind and never compromise on. When you start dating someone, this may not be as important at first. 

 

However, when things start getting serious, this is one of the first conversations you should have. If both of you are not on the same page, things are likely to get difficult later when there are feelings and emotions involved. 

 

2. Give each other space

 

As important as talking to each other regularly is, so is giving each other the space to feel all the feelings and emotions. Especially when things get difficult and you feel like the conversation is heading towards an argument where you’re both likely to say hurtful things.

 

3. Agree on a time to talk

 

As adults, you’re both going to have so many different responsibilities outside your relationship with each other. Work, family, finances, and many other things are going to cause stress in your life and you need to find the right time for both partners to discuss important things in your relationship.

 

It makes a huge difference when you talk to your partner at a mutually agreed time especially if it is about sensitive subjects. 

 

4. Take ownership of your problems

 

When problems arise, it’s easier to blame it on your partner than take responsibility. However, to maintain healthy communication, both partners need to take ownership of their part in any issues and reassure each other that they will work on improving it. 

 

5. Remain calm during conversations

 

It’s often difficult to keep calm when so many emotions and feelings are involved. By practicing mindfulness and meditation you can improve your sense of clarity and improve your chances of remaining calm and composed when having difficult conversations.  

 

6. Listen to understand

 

A lot of the time we listen to respond and not to understand the other person. Instead, both partners can agree to let each other speak without interrupting and wait for your turn to speak your mind. 

 

By doing this both partners have a better chance of understanding the other person and therefore have a higher chance of conflict resolution. 

 

7. Be okay with being vulnerable

 

We all want to be strong. This is the message that has shaped our parents and therefore passed down to us. Sure we all need to be strong when it matters. But that doesn’t mean you can’t show any vulnerability. 

 

No matter how strong you are, you will feel negative emotions and there needs to be a healthy way and a safe space to express them. After all, you’re talking to your partner or spouse. Let that be your safe space. 

8. Don’t take things too personally

 

Sometimes, your partner may not feel like talking. And if they tell you they just need some time and space to think for themselves, respect that, and know that it’s not always about you and it could be entirely something else they need to figure out themselves. 

 

9. Don’t bring up other problems

 

This happens too often when talking about problems in your relationship. One partner will bring up something else that’s bothering them and the other partner will do the same and before you know it, the conversation becomes an argument. 

 

Sometimes, it’s hard to be aware when this happens as things are said in the heat of the moment. However, you can always keep trying to be more mindful of sticking to the issue you’re talking about and not bringing up other problems. 

 

10. Accept disagreements are part of any relationship 

 

Even in the most healthiest relationships, disagreements happen. No matter how compatible you are with your partner, you will never be able to agree on everything.

 

Accept that disagreements, difficult conversations, and arguments are part of any healthy relationship. As long as both of you are willing to apologize when due, take responsibility, accept your differences, and commit to working on your relationship the relationship should continue to thrive. 

 

How to deal with a partner who won’t communicate properly

 

Proper communication in relationships requires effort and willingness from both partners. If you’re currently in a relationship with someone struggling to maintain healthy communication with you, below are some realistic efforts worth trying.

 

1. Ask them for their time

 

Ask them politely if they can free up some time to discuss the issues you currently face in your relationship.

 

2. Explain to them why it’s important for the relationship

 

Explain to them that not talking about it is causing you to bottle up your feelings and causing you pain. Tell them you want to understand their concerns and work together to find solutions before issues become bigger. 

 

3. Be more understanding of their inability to communicate instead of criticizing

 

Tell them you understand that it’s difficult for them to express their feelings and you’re there for them to listen and help them communicate better by asking questions politely and putting the message across. 

 

4. Suggest professional help

 

If you have tried the above steps and none of them seem to work, suggest that you both seek professional help who can recommend some actionable steps to communicate better and find solutions. 

 

5. Learn when to let go 

 

Sometimes, despite all your best efforts people may refuse to accept that they don’t communicate properly and reject any solutions you offer them to help and save the relationship. 

 

If it comes to this, you must have the courage to make the right decision even if it may be painful as otherwise you may throw away your chances of finding the right person for you and building the life you’ve always wanted for yourself and your family.