All You Need to Know About Friendships
What is Friendship?
The friendships we build throughout our lives both as children and adults help shape our personality and characteristics.
A Friendship is a relationship or mutual bond between two or more people exclusive of sexuality and family relationships.
Friendships are usually built on mutual interests and affection. During our lifetime, we build friendships as children in school, adolescents in college and university, and then at workplaces and other social settings as adults.
Friendships can contribute to your success or failure, important life decisions, and many other aspects of a person’s life. Thus the saying “Choose your friends wisely.”
What defines a Good Friendship?
A good friendship is defined by the qualities it exhibits. A friendship can mean many different things to different people. But a general rule to follow is that a friendship is supposed to support you during difficult times and contribute to your overall growth.
Below are some good qualities to look for when choosing and keeping people as friends in your life.
1. Trustworthiness
Trustworthiness is one of the most important qualities needed for a good friendship. Trust takes time to be earned but just a moment to be lost.
Initially, when you meet someone, it may not come off as that important as they do not know much about you. But over time, once you become close to someone and before sharing personal things about your life, you should ask yourself, can I trust this person?
This is why people have a smaller circle of people they call close friends.
2. Accountability
Another essential quality of a good friendship is accountability. Good friends will hold you accountable for your goals and actions and vice versa. Both you and your friends should reciprocate accountability and always help each other stay true to yourself.
Friends who always agree with you despite you being wrong may seem like doing you a favor by validating your feelings temporarily, but they are not helping you grow in the long term. A good friend will tell you what you don’t want to hear when it’s due and you need to do the same for them.
3. Confidant
You should also be able to confide in a good friend. When you’re going through difficult times and need to share things that are sensitive and personal, you should be able to trust that your closest people can keep secrets and will not use them against you in the future.
4. Open communication
Honest and open communication is key for not just good friendships but any relationship. You and your friends should be able to communicate openly without judgment especially if it’s about a sensitive subject that may be difficult to talk about.
5. Acceptance
All of us are created the same but with so many differences in personality, beliefs, values, and lifestyle. To build and maintain friendships, we need to accept our friends’ differences from us and respect that each person has a choice to live life their way as long as it’s not harming themselves and others around them.
Why do we struggle to make Friends?
As adults, a lot of people struggle to make friends. Below are some of the most common reasons we find it difficult to find good friends once you reach a certain age.
1. Already established circle of friends
While most people are open to meeting new people, most of them already have friends from a long time back that they know well and trust.
Hence, it takes them more time to fully accept a new person into their close circle of friends and consider that person part of the group.
2. Difficult to open up to new people as adults
We go through so many experiences as we grow up and become adults. A lot of them are bad experiences and change us in some way. As adults, a lot of us find it difficult to open up to new people and become close to them.
This can become a barrier to building close friendships with people who are looking for authentic friendships where they are very closely knit with their circle of friends.
3. Limited time due to other commitments
Let’s be real. Most of us don’t have enough time to take care of all the commitments we need to take care of. We barely make it through the day without missing a meal and time for exercise and self-care.
It can feel overwhelming to find the time to meet and build friendships even if you feel like you need to due to time constraints.
4. Personality traits
We all have different personality traits. Some are great communicators and feel very comfortable and confident meeting new people. Others find it so difficult to strike up a conversation with a new person.
These different personality traits can make it very difficult to make friends as an adult as you feel uncomfortable and tend to avoid such situations.
5. Social Anxiety
Social Anxiety is a common reason why so many adults are unable to build healthy and lasting friendships. People with social anxiety avoid going out and spending time with people who in return are kind of expecting their friends to show up to these places and hang out with them.
How to Make Friends as an Adult
Now that we know some of the challenges to building friendships, let’s look at some creative and fun ways to enhance your efforts in making friends who may become some of the best people you meet in your life.
1. Do volunteer work
Volunteering can be a fun way to find people who care about the same causes that you do and also portray great qualities such as selflessness.
Look out for volunteer opportunities in your area, sign up for them, and attend with an open mind.
2. Hangout with colleagues outside of work
You may already have great colleagues who you work with. You just meet them only at the office and your relationship with them is mostly about work.
If that’s the case, plan some things with them outside of work such as going out, inviting them to the same gym as you, etc. This will allow you to know them on a more personal level. Who knows they may turn out to be a great friend.
I know this might not be practical for everyone. Especially if you have social anxiety. But if you are serious about making new friends, this can be one of the best ways to meet and hang out with people.
Most of us lead busy lives and social events are where we relax and enjoy socializing with different people. So work on yourself to overcome social anxiety and try to go to such places as much as you can.
4. Visit neighborhood small businesses more often
We live in such connected societies and depend on each other for almost everything. We go to our neighborhood grocery store for daily supplies, we have our favorite coffee shops, our gym, barber, etc.
Put an effort into knowing the people behind these businesses for reasons other than your daily or weekly transactions. Spend time with them and the other people who go to these places often. I bet you’ll get to know some amazing people who you’ve never noticed before.
5. Pick up a hobby
Picking up a hobby such as yoga, surfing, art, running, etc can introduce you to groups of enthusiasts of these activities. This can be one of the best ways to meet people with similar interests regularly without the pressure of making friends.
The more you hang out with such people sharing common interests, friendships will usually nurture naturally.
6. Travel
Traveling is one of the best ways to make new friends. While traveling may mean you usually meet people for shorter periods, you come across many interesting people doing many inspiring things in life.
You get to listen and share stories with people from many different cultures. I have friends who I’ve met in my travels who will be happy to meet me when I am in their country and you get to do the same. I understand this is somewhat out of our traditional definition of friends, but it’s still worth having a local friend in many countries you visit.
Signs of a Poor Friendship and Why You Should End It
Friendships don’t always work out. Throughout our lifetime we make many friends, some that change our lives for the better and others for the worse.
Part of friendships is also knowing when to let go of friendships that aren’t worth your time. Below are some signs of a poor friendship and it may be time to let go of those people.
1. Constant hatred or judgment toward others
If the main driving force behind your friendship with someone is constant hatred or judgment towards other people, it’s a sign that your friendship is not based on growth.
If you notice that you’ve only started being this way when you’re with a certain friend, they may be influencing you without you being aware of it.
2. Secretively talking bad about you to others (Instead of talking to you)
Sometimes people who you think are your friends talk behind your back. True friends speak to you before talking to others about an issue they have with something you may have done.
If you start hearing that your friend is talking bad about you to others, you should speak to them about it to verify if it’s true. In most cases, (not always) you only hear such things when it’s true.
3. Feeling let down instead of being supported
Your growth is your responsibility and not anyone else’s. However, friends are supposed to support and uplift each other.
If you feel your friends do not show any genuine interest in topics related to growth or constantly downplay such discussions, those friendships might not be worth your time.
4. Don’t hear from them unless they need something
This is a classic sign of poor friendship and happens all too often. If you have friends like this, it’s not worth it. Chances are they value your friendship for their selfish reasons.
5. Your friendship is all about fun and not about growth
If your friendship is all about going out, partying or drinking, and doing fun activities, it may not be a good friendship for the long term.
Choose to develop and spend your energy and time on friendships that value a balance of both fun as well as personal growth.
Conclusion
Friendships are a great source of support, security, and growth. We all have limited time on this planet and should spend it wisely. Take a moment to think about all the friendships you are currently spending time on. Are they the best people to have as friends?
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