How To Cope With Insecurities In A Relationship

I think we can all agree that as human beings, none of us are always full of confidence about every aspect of our life. Even the most seemingly successful ones have different things in their life that they are attached to, and feel insecure about. It could be about how you look, what your job is, how much money you make, what your home looks like and a long list of many other things. 

However, the feelings of insecurities become more apparent when it comes to romantic relationships. How to cope with insecurities in a relationship is something that the majority of us have to deal with at some point in our lives. When emotions and feelings are involved, we tend to face our insecurities more often and with much greater intensity.

If you’re reading this and feel that you have a relationship with a seemingly good future, but the insecurities of either you or your partners (or both) are constantly causing problems, identifying the root causes and learning how to cope with insecurities can significantly improve or even save your relationship.

So, what are some of the causes of insecurities in a relationship?

• Neglect or Mistreatment: People who have been neglected in the past especially as a child, may grow up to see these issues surfacing much later in life when they are in committed relationships as an adult. This happens because they never had that kind of care and love received regularly as a child. It can cause a lot of insecurity for the fear of losing what you have.

• Lack of self-worthiness: A lot of the time, your self-esteem can also be rooted back to your upbringing. Children who were bullied and constantly looked down upon can easily carry forward this same belief very much into their adulthood. We often end up projecting these fears into our relationships and partners due to our self-insecurities. Despite where your lack of self-worthiness is coming from, the consequences of this remain the same and that is that it can lead to a lot of insecurities in your relationship.

• Past Experiences: If we have had partners who have been disloyal to us in the past, this could very likely interfere with how we see our current partners. It’s easy to create narratives in our minds about your current partner based on seemingly similar situations or issues. Not only is this unfair to your current partner, but it can easily become a cycle of mistrust and cause serious issues in your relationship.

You may or may not already know where your insecurities are coming from, and that’s the first step towards making a change for the better. Now comes the most important part.

What can you do?

1. Start with mindfulness: Or shall we call it awareness here? To break from a negative mental pattern like this you first need to acknowledge that there is an issue of insecurity in your relationship, and it is negatively affecting your relationship. Unless you take ownership of your shortcomings, things are unlikely to change and you may see yourself in a recurring problem that drains both you and your partner. So being aware and mindful of the situation can help you overcome insecurities and eventually beat whatever that’s causing you to act insecure in your relationship.

2. Commit to open and honest communication: How couples communicate can make or break a relationship. Two people with a lot of problems can still make things work through open and honest communication. The same can be said about couples who do not seem to have a lot of issues but can’t seem to make things work because neither of them can communicate effectively. When dealing with insecurities in your relationship it is very important when and how issues are being addressed between the two. Is it going to come up in the middle of an argument when things get bitter? Or do you both address it respectively at a convenient time for the both of you? One thing is certain, it’s that if you’re not communicating about your problems because it seems hard and likely to cause an argument, then it means you’re bottling it up and it will eventually come out in a more hurtful way which may be a lot more difficult to work through.

3. Know it’s not always about you: When two people are so emotionally involved as in a romantic relationship, any unfavorable action from your partner may seem like it’s because of you. For instance, if your partner doesn’t feel like going out for dinner, maybe it’s just because they had an exhausting day and want to just stay home? Dropping this hardwired psychological conditioning of self-centered thinking can help you see things as they are and enjoy the present moment without overanalyzing every situation.

4. Work even harder on your personal goals: Let’s be real. It is very common for people to get lazy and unmotivated when they are always worrying about where they are in their romantic relationship. If you used to be someone who had great aspirations and goals, going after it even more diligently is one of the best ways to get your awareness out of a mental rut of insecurity. This makes so much sense considering a lot of insecurities come from false self-belief that you’re not good enough.

5. Seek help: Sometimes despite all the effort you put in to keep your insecurities at bay, you may feel stuck and helpless. This is where seeking the help of a professional therapist comes in. A different perspective from a trained professional might just be what will help you put things into perspective and work through your insecurities in a more measured way.

While we all feel insecure in our relationships from time to time, it is not normal if it’s affecting all other aspects of your life. If these insecurities are constantly getting in the way of your health, goals, family and other important things in your life, you need to start making changes. If you’re unsure about how to start, give the above thoughts a try. Only you can bring about the necessary changes in your mindset to beat this insecurity and hopefully make your relationship with your partner the most beautiful thing ever.